i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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