FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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