Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize