I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
