If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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