i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
