I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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