dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
