this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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