i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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