i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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