we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
