ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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