Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
