my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
