she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
