I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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