Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
