I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
