U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
