His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
