I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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