That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
