I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
this hospital has no fireball
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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