she woke up with a sticky ear
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
