Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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