I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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