tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
