It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
