to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
