So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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