need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
