dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
