my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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