Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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