I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
