Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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