Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
