Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
