Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Found your dick twin last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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