It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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