I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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