After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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