i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
