I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
