Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
