Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
