I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
