I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
