remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to fling myself into the sun
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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