I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
