One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
