If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
