I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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