there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
