Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pants are for mortals
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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