I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize