thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
