just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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