My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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