she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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