You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
