You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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