Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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