The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
