i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
