I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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