Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
