if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
