Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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