Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
