3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
