I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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