So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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