I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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