I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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