my vag is so smooth its legendary
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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