like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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