Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
