she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
