He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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