Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
