if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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