new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
