We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.