Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
